Spouting Cave

so, well, this is awkward, i’m LITERALLY choosing this hill to die on so hold my beer while I throw serious shade on this cybernat, yoon hun, fenian blairite, millennial  centrist Dad, TERF cause the absolute state of this is peak 2019 tfw I LITERALLY can’t even is EVERYTHING and i’m crying for these clichés, tropes and borrowed jokes avocado snowflakes and gammon-free wokes it's *clap* just *clap* so *clap* SAD!

Also published on Bella Caledonia .  “Maybe, I’ll see you again.” In classic Andy Murray fashion, after the downcast press conference, the worldwide tributes and the schmaltzy retirement video by his fellow pros, he gave us all something to cling onto. This week he’s expected to announce if he’ll go ahead with a hip resurfacing operation, which would, if nothing else, improve his quality of life. It’s an operation no singles player has ever come back from, but it just might give him a shot at competing again. Keeping us in suspense, one more time. But if this is to be the end, his career highlights are worth savouring: US Open champion; two-time Wimbledon winner; twice Olympic gold medalist; Davis Cup victor; World Number One. These are remarkable achievements by any measure and for those who have followed his journey there’s an overriding sense of pride and gratitude. Yet there remains a nagging feeling that he could and maybe should have achieved even more. I...

I wrote this for my work's blog .  One of the most memorable contributions to the Islands Bill consultation was the assertion that  “nobody puts Shetland in a box” . The campaign successfully lobbied for a requirement on public authorities to accurately and proportionately represent the Isles’ geographic location in relation to the rest of Scotland, rather than in a square off the north-west coast of Aberdeenshire. Campaigners argued the distorted maps have tangible implications, as the logistics of getting to and from Shetland are often forgotten, negatively affecting sectors such as oil & gas and seafood, and consequently the islands’ economy. The new mapping requirement is also symbolic of the legislation generally, as it prevents the islands from being treated as an inconvenient afterthought, forced to accommodate themselves to whatever suits the rest of Scotland. It should not be misinterpreted as affording special treatment, but rather about achieving equi...

the economist and I are fae the same lang toun he was shaped by the capital and spending time with Hume inspired patriot rebels and came to influence soon everyone from Marx to Wall Street tycoons I was there in the nineties, before dial-up was obsolete when the fans in the railway stand used to fill all the seats the settled will of the people, for some remained incomplete half-time in Munich and they’ll be dancing in the streets more than 200 years after the philosopher’s death with his statues and institutes and the national debt even a far-off asteroid bears his fabled epithet like a Champagne Supernova from my cousin’s cassette and the fireworks above his theatre which made me upset an explosive debate surrounds his key messages like Jacobite rebellions and yes-voting percentages hearing Brimful of Asha on the Forty-Five carriages of the fairground dodgems recalled in fragmentary images these Links Market memories and a free market idol cited w...

Every Friday afternoon at newsdirect We await in suspense and with bated breath An email as long as it is indeterminable: The European Parliamentary business schedule At this labyrinth legislature, everything’s on the table From the niche and provincial to the global and high-level On each issue an “exchange of views” or a “state of play”; Our team scans the lot and sends it your way From cattle tags in Denmark to Russian propaganda The use of sweeteners in bakeries to fisheries memoranda Whether it’s tackling Jihadism or the licensing of yachts These Brussels bureaucrats consider the lot But that’s not meant as a dig or to sound Eurosceptic The politics of Spanish table olives can get pretty hectic Whatever your view on Brexit, Greece, Juncker or Nigel One things seems clear: these diplomats ain’t idle Sometimes, though, you wish they’d cut the jargon                ...

In early November, Guxim Imerio, a 25 year old man from Albania, absconded from Dungavel Immigration Removal Centre near Strathaven. Reports say Guxim attached himself to the underside of a van, waited until it was out of the compound and had stopped, before fleeing. Even after escaping the centre, he faced several cross-country miles on foot. A search on Google Maps would have told him it is “unable to calculate transit directions” to or from the facility. Tucked in the rural backroads of South Lanarkshire, Dungavel is a remote abstraction, out of sight and out of mind. Housed in this strange outpost are around 250 asylum seekers, many having fled war, persecution, even torture; cast to our geographic and societal periphery while awaiting deportation or a ruling on their claim. Men and women enduring compound displacement, and locked up indefinitely for the crime of seeking residence in this country. Two weeks after Guxim’s escape, around 200 protestors descend on th...

with foe piety they pray upon us  these profits of death these bottom-line martials who make the rich idols while the poor suffer a loan and suffer always alone caged in a sell ate daze a weak  losing hour minds as the mighty eight the week  oh, how they whined and they dined and licked every last peace  with our bodies on a steak and our blood read as meat the world’s now in vein as the son starts to brake  on the seize on the land on the cracks on our souls on the waits on our feat

I wrote this post for my work's blog In her address to Parliament outlining the Programme for Government, Nicola Sturgeon once again made clear that improving education was her number one priority. More specifically, the First Minister reiterated the importance of closing the attainment gap between children from the wealthiest and poorest backgrounds. In pursuit of that goal, she pledged to introduce a new Education Bill that would deliver the “biggest and most radical change” to the governance of schools since the advent of devolution. The First Minister’s tenure will, in large part, be defined by performance on this issue, for better or worse. It is a bold objective, for while there remain many strengths to Scottish education – the recent increase in Higher and Advanced Higher pass rates, for example – a number of areas have come under intense scrutiny. The most recent PISA results indicated Scotland’s standing has declined in maths, reading and science, with the poorest over...

Even in a country as blessed with dramatic scenery as Scotland, the Outer Hebrides evoke a special sense of wonder. As well as the varied landscape of these islands, their persistence as a Gaelic stronghold and the Old Norse influences add to their unique intrigue, with place-names such as Frobost, Quidinish, Geocrab, Amhuinnsuidhe, and Tolstachaolais. The bird's-eye shape of the islands evokes something ancient and wild, like dinosaur fossils or the spine of a mountain range. With a week off work, I decided to embark on the much-heralded Hebridean Way cycle route. I arrived at Castlebay, Barra, on a pleasantly bright and warm evening, following a four and a half hour ferry from Oban. Along with a range of other useful advice, my pal Neil had suggested I use the remaining light to cycle to Vatersay. On the winding road out of the village towards the causeway two miles south, I soon reached a very steep hill, passing the mildly-mocking cry of an old man - "You've go...